Now... I am going to fess up.  I have not seen the original despite having heard mostly good things over the years.  It has just always been one that I've passed over for what ever reasons.  But I'll tell you something... If it is anything like this remake, I am glad I passed.  I get the distinct impression, however, that the original is far more effective.

Nicolas Cage stars as Edward, a California police officer who, after having made a routine traffic stop which resulted in a fatal collision, is contacted by his one time fiancé.  Still recovering from the psychological trauma of the auto-accident, she begs him to come to a remote island off the coast of Washington to help look for her missing daughter.

Upon his arrival, he is coldly greeted by the strange Amish-like community, primarily female, who populate the island.  There is something very strange about the inhabitants.  They are suspiciously secretive about their traditions and customs. 

He meets up with his ex-fiancé, Willow, who is now known as Sister Willow, a matriarchal island custom.  She is frantic about her missing child, Rowan, and she is absolutely sure that something bad is about to happen to her.

"The Wicker Man" manages to set up this premise and setting rather well.  It feels very much like a unique and original whodunit.  However, slowly but surely, the plot reveals more and more secrets.  The characters twist and turn themselves in pointless and chaotic ways.  It soon begins to feel like an exercise in audience manipulation.

The lead performances from Nic Cage and Kate Beahan are rather solid in the first half of the film.  Cage has enormous range... he can be magnificent in one film and complete shite in another.  In this film, he leaps from one to the other as the script lets him down with some of the most ludicrous lines of dialogue.

Kate Beahan was last seen as the evil stewardess/flight attendant in "Flight Plan".  She shows great potential in both and I think we will get to see a lot more her in the next few years.  She is also a victim of the screenplay in this film.  The first 60 minutes are a showcase for her talent.  However, the final act must have made her cringe.

The same can be said of Ellen Burstyn.  This must be one of the biggest gaffes in her stellar career.  I can just see her in her trailer each night while filming this movie, laughing to herself and asking what the hell she got herself into.

Without giving anything away, the final third of this film dwindles into a farcical conclusion that will elicit more laughter than chills.  I cannot believe that LaBute wrote the lines.  I really cannot believe that the actors and actresses said them without dying a little on the inside.  I truly cannot fathom how they wore the costumes without thinking they were on a hidden camera show.  It is truly abysmal.

Your mouth will be agape as you ask yourselves, "What the...?"  This film plummets from a B or a B+ thriller straight down to the D range in a matter of ten or twenty minutes.  I left the theatre scratching my head in disbelief.  I cannot imagine that the original evoked the same response... It is too revered to have been anywhere near as ludicrous.  In fact, this film has tempted me to see the original just to compare.  It cannot be any worse than this.