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"A Love Story
Without All Those Messy
Emotions" |
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Directed by Kevin
Reynolds - Written by
Dean Georgaris
Starring James Franco,
Sophia Myles, Rufus
Sewell, David O'Hara
Distributed by FOX -
2006 - 125 mins - Rated
PG-13 |
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Jacob Hall's
Review
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D |
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Romeo + Juliet with Spider-Man's rival and an emotionless model. |
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I’ll
make one thing clear to you one thing off the bat: I am not a
romantic. I am a cynical, pessimistic misanthrope who grows incredibly
depressed whenever he thinks about the world. “Romeo and Juliet” ranks
among my least favorite of Shakespeare’s plays…”Hamlet” and “Macbeth”
define real tragedy for me. Therefore, I am not the audience for a
film like “Tristan and Isolde.” I cannot fathom two people instantly
looking at one another and immediately falling in love…it’s ludicrous.
Despite this, I took it upon myself to judge this film with an open
mind. After all, I can force myself to believe in such things for two
things for two hours, right? I can believe in star cross’d lovers for
that long, right? Right?
Apparently not…at least not without a competent script, cast and
director.
The story seems to be taken off from the same legend as “Romeo and
Juliet” (on the actual tale, I have no knowledge, but stories of
ill-fated lovers are as old as the Greeks with their stories of
Pyramus and Thisbe) and features a war between the powerful Ireland
and the weak, splintered tribes of England. An English soldier named
Tristan (James Franco), through circumstances that that would make you
guffaw to relate here, meets the daughter of Irish king, named Isolde
(Sophia Myles). They fall wildly in love and this leads ends up
leading to war and death and destruction…all in the name of love. Aww…how
cute.
Sorry, there’s the curmudgeon in me coming out. Let’s assume, though,
that I am a romantic and that I can believe that such a love can
flourish. To my knowledge, love requires a certain amount of chemistry
between two human beings and none exists between Tristan and Isolde.
They meet, talk for a few scenes and jump each other’s bones without
missing a beat. There is no romantic tension, no proclamations of
love; just some sweaty sex and some talk about “Needing you” and such.
It’s impossible to imagine chemistry even being able to exist between
these two. Franco plays Tristan as if he has graduated from the Anakin
Skywalker School of Acting, growing his hair long, pouting, posing and
making excessively contorted facial expressions and calling it acting.
As Isolde, Myles barely leaves an imprint on the memory. She’s nice to
look at, but she acts like a woman from a low-grade television show.
Her speech and physicality is too…modern.
That’s a big problem in this film. Much of the dialogue and many of
the characters look and sound like characters taken out of a modern
made for TV movie and placed in England hundreds of years ago. The
costuming department should also be ashamed of itself (Really,
sequins? No helmets in battle scenes?)
Much of the blame can fall on director Kevin Reynolds, who keeps the
pace at a snail’s pace, and during the action scenes is infected with
the dreaded MBS (Michael Bay Syndrome): no shot seems to last more
than 2 seconds and whatever is happening onscreen is completely
incomprehensible. Since this is a movie about love, I would’ve thought
that blood and gore would be kept to a minimum, but it’s here in
spades I also couldn’t help but notice that the action that is here is
remarkably unimpressive, seeming to take scenes from other movies and
copy them on a much lower budget.
I am curious what kind of film Reynolds was trying to make here. It’s
a love story! An epic action film! And in the last twenty minutes, a
climax that lowers the grade from a D+ to a D…where a mediocre villain
becomes one of the worse villains since…well, last week’s “BloodRayne.”
A completely normal villain, out of the blue, becomes like something
out of a cheesy cult, B-movie. It’s so unintentionally funny, that if
it was intentionally, it would be positive.
There you have it. Ladies and romantics, the romance is fake and the
leads belong in a lousy soap opera. Guys and teenagers, the action is
terrible and the pace will force you resolve ways to go to the
restroom every five minutes. 2006 is off to a grand start, ladies and
gentlemen!
Of course, that's just the pessimist in me. |
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© Written by Jacob Hall |
TC Candler's Comment
Franco's
character was wafer thin and emotionally flat in
a role that demanded the opposite. However, he
was the only true negative about the film for
me.
"Tristan & Isolde" is not as emotionally whole
as I would have liked... But it is far from a
poor film. Franco was weak, but the rest of the
cast was pretty damn good. The sets were really
convincing and the cinematography makes this one
of the prettiest films of 2006. The story is a
classic tale of unrequited love. And the pace
was briskly entertaining. I am giving it a solid
recommendation.
Richard
Propes' Comment
When is
the film industry going to learn how to use
James Franco? Seriously, have you seen him in
"The Ape?" The guy can act. He was brilliant as
"James Dean," his break-out role. So, why does
he keep showing up in average flicks that
capitalize only on his great looks? This film
isn't horrid, but a very average script with
corny dialogue sinks any potential the film has
for Franco and Myles.
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