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"I Challenge You to
Find Shia TheBeef in
This Photo..." |
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Directed by Michael "Slo-Mo"
Bay - Written by Roberto
Orci, Alex Kurtzman
Starring Shia "The Beef"
LaBeouf, Megan "The Fox"
Fox, Josh Duhamel
Jon Voight, Bernie Mac,
Tyrese Gibson, Rachael
Taylor, Amaury Nolasco
Distributed by
DreamWorks -
2007 - 144m - Rated PG13 |
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Jacob Hall's
Review
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D- |
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A few months ago, I would have told you that I expected “Transformers”
to be a pile of crap.
Then the reviews came in and my jaw dropped. |
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People liked it. They
really liked it. Smart people, people with solid thoughts and minds,
friends, neighbors…people I respect LOVED “Transformers.” A Michael
Bay film about giant robots that turn into cars and people loved it.
Therefore, I actually walked into the theatre hoping to love this
film (or at least enjoy myself). That’s why I have to ask my
friends, my neighbors, countless film critics and others that I
respect.
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
Even if you grew up in the ‘80s and your childhood was filled with
Transformers toys, I cannot see the appeal here. Maybe I’m just an
outsider. I never liked the toys. Believe me, I TRIED to like them,
but even as a child, I just thought they were stupid toys. I even
watched the show a few times and my young mind thought it was boring
and loud and cheap and stupid.
Funny how the film adaptation is boring, loud and stupid…but it
isn’t cheap. I’ll get this out of the way first: the money spent on
“Transformers” is evident. The robots look great. With that said,
they’re still big stupid robot with cartoon voices and stupid names
like “Bonecrusher” and “Jazz” who turn into friggin’ cars and fight
each other.
I will also like to say that human star Shia LeBeouf is actually
really good here. Between this and “Disturbia,” I’m sold on him
being a solid actor. Thank you.
Megan Fox Transforms This Film Into
Eye Candy
Back to the big stupid robots that turn into big stupid cars. I
want you to close your eyes and think for a moment. Think about what
this motion picture is about. It is about alien robots who are
searching for a power cube and have the ability to turn into cars.
These robots all have craaaaaaazy personalities and much to my
shock, one of the robots is a black stereotype who breakdances when
he transforms. I’m not making that one up. And guess what? The black
robot dies first. Oops. Spoilers.
This is a Michael Bay movie through and through. Once again, Bay
proves he can’t shoot action worth a damn, keeping his camera in
constant close-ups so when the big robots start to fight you can’t
tell them apart or know what they’re doing. In typical Michael Bay
style, everything is chock full of product placement and lame crude
humor. Does a big robot movie need a masturbation joke? Really?
I guess I’m just an asshole, but “Transformers” really, really
sucks. This film should only appeal to nostalgic twenty-somethings
who still live in their mother’s basements. And people who liked
“Armageddon.” But they’re probably the same people. |
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© Written by Jacob Hall -
Email
Me! |
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How We Rated This Film
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TC Candler -
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| Richard Propes
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Jacob Hall
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D- |
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TC Candler's Comment
Please
write to your local congressman to put a stop to
Michael Bay getting directing gigs. I
believe in a world where we can all safely go to
the movies without being subjected to his
atrociousness.
Richard Propes' Comment
n/a
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