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"A Total Unabashed
Embarrassing Mess..." |
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Directed by Joe Carnahan
- Written by Joe
Carnahan
Starring Jeremy Piven,
Ryan Reynolds, Ben
Affleck, Andy Garcia,
Ray Liotta
Distributed by Universal -
2007 - 109m - Rated R |
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TC Candler's Review
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No Stars |
F |
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The superb New York Times Film Critic, A.O. Scott, wrote that this is
"a movie that may not only be dumb in itself, but also the cause of
dumbness in others." |
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There's only one
complaint I have about Quentin Tarantino -- that he has so many
imitators, most of which are pathetic young men obsessed with the
"coolness of violence". They fail to fully grasp the difference
between masterpieces like "Pulp Fiction" and putrid turds like
"Boondock Saints". They are simply enamored with convoluted plots,
littered with profanity-laden dialogue, witless characters and
slow-motion blood splatter. Don't get me wrong... QT has changed
cinema for the better in countless ways, but an endless parade of
films like "Smokin' Aces" isn't one of them.
The supposed attempt here is to combine Tarantino's style with the
Vegas-cool of "Ocean's Eleven" and the absurdity of the "Face Off"
plot, all of which is drowned out by the frat-boy / gangster-rapper
urge to add bitches, hoes, gats, alcohol, drugs, corpses, money and
an unfathomably horrid command of the English language. It is an
incomprehensible mess that fails to entertain on any level, and
never even makes the effort to try anything more elevated.
On top of having to endure all that, the opening scenes of the film
showcase the belabored strains of Ben Affleck's attempted acting --
and it almost sets you over the edge. I know I have harped on this
guy for years now... but seriously, he is horrendous! And he is
getting worse with every film. It is hard to feel sorry for a guy
who makes that kind of dough and gets to make Jennifer Garner
'scrambee-eggs' every morning... but I do. I feel bad that the guy
can't make it happen on screen. Strangely enough, I actually think
he is a pretty nice guy who obviously has the intelligence and
presence to have a great political future. He just can't act to save
his life.
Anyway... luckily, he is not the main character in this film. You
only get to see him in a few early scenes.
"Smokin' Aces" is about a contract put out on the head of Buddy
"Aces" Israel... a Vegas entertainer with multiple ties to La Cosa
Nostra. Lots of people want to kill him. The mob boss wants his
heart. The FBI is trying to turn him and get him to testify. He
demands to go into the witness protection program. A Russian
underling jizzes on his $12,000 jacket. They discuss it for five
minutes. Two black women act like Suge Knight thugs. Three psychos
go on rampaging murder sprees. Bullets fly indiscriminately.
Violence and chaos reigns.
Jeremy Piven plays Buddy using his very best Jeremy Piven imitation.
As the lead character, it can only be said that he provides nothing
that we haven't seen from him in a dozen other roles. It is evident
that Piven doesn't have anything else in him... He's got Piven on 1,
Piven on 2, Piven on 3 etc. In this film, he cranks it up to 9 or
10... almost overdosing us on his Pivenness.
It's all so friggin' unoriginal and dull... "Smokin' Aces" is
everything that it is trying so desperately not to be.
This film tries to pass off women being treated like cum-stained
Kleenex's as witty banter.
This film is basically "Crank" (the worst film of 2006 by a mile)
with a more famous cast and a much bigger budget.
It is absolutely no surprise that the studio decided to dump this
film in the cinematic overflow wasteland commonly known as
"January".
They knew it would bomb... especially if it faced any Christmas
competition. This is the movie equivalent of death metal --
tasteless vile filth with no aspiration to do anything but shock and
exploit and revolt.
If you thought of Anna Nicole Smith as perfect girlfriend
material... If you think tig ol' bitties are more valuable traits in
a mate than kindness or compassion... If you have floor to ceiling
posters of Ultimate Fighters in your basement / gym / masturbatory
dungeon... You might LOVE this film.
There is even a ludicrous leap for a "Usual Suspects" shock ending
that is intended to leave us stooped in stunned silence. Instead, it
falls far short, leaving us shaking our heads in disbelief that we
wasted our hard earned money on this joke of a film.
I loathed this film with every fibre of my being. I cannot entirely
describe my hatred of this film without stepping over into farce...
perhaps I already have. It is easily one of the worst of 2007 and
will quickly scale the rancid depths of my Worst of All Time list.
This trash makes me hate what cinema can become. This film just
raped my memory and ejaculated on my subconscious. |
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© Written by TC Candler -
Email Me! |
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How We Rated This Film
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TC Candler -
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No Stars |
F |
| Richard Propes
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Jacob Hall
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C- |
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Richard
Propes' Comment
n/a
Jacob
Hall's Comment
At the request of TC
Candler:
Why "Smokin' Aces" is more akin to "Running
Scared" than to "Crank."
Recently, it's been a trend to produce, fast,
cheap action movies that rely on intense
situations, graphic violence and ridiculously
fast pacing to attract audiences instead of star
power or big budgets. The most successful of
these has been Wayne Kramer's "Running Scared."
The least successful has been the insidious
"Crank." In the middle is "Smokin' Aces."
The reason "Running Scared" works is that in
addition to it's insane plotting, it has a firm
grasp on it's characters and it knows where it's
going. It tries to create a surreal nightmare
version of every action movie we have ever seen.
"Crank," on the other hand, just wants to have
people die and women take off their clothes and
unlike the GOOD action movies with similar
intentions, it is not well shot, edited or
acted. "Crank" is an embarrassing mess. I truly
wanted to walk out.
"Smokin' Aces" TRIES to have interesting
characters. It tries to be clever. It tries to
make you feel somewhat for the heroes. It also
has the stupid humor and exploitation of
"Crank," but it tries so very hard to be a real
film like "Running Scared."
Although the overall film is mediocre, the fact
that it tries instantly elevates it above dreck
like "Crank."
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