How you rate the
authenticity of "Lucky You" will determine how good a poker player
you are. It is a perfect inverse ratio. The more realistic you think
the film is, the worse your game. However, if you can spot all the
poker clichés and eye-rollingly ridiculous scenarios, you may
actually have played enough hours to be a decent pro.
The most famous saying in the poker world is one quoted at the very
beginning of "Rounders" -- "If you can't spot the fish in the first
few minutes at the table... You're the fish." Well, "Lucky You" is
the cinematic equivalent of a fish. It hasn't got a clue what to do
or how to behave at the table.
There are two cardinal rules in poker movies...
1. GET THE RULES RIGHT
2. GET THE WORDS RIGHT
The first is simple enough. At no point should a sports film ever
disregard the rules. It would be like Rocky kicking Apollo Creed in
the nuts. It would be like a last second touchdown counting for 10
points instead of 7. You just aren't allowed to go there.
The second is just as important. Note to all poker filmmakers... No
one should ever say the words "Too rich for my blood" or "I'll see
your bet and re-raise you" or any number of other "rookie alert
phrases".
After about twenty minutes, "Lucky You" had committed these cardinal
sins about 50 times.
Eric Bana plays Huck Cheever (I swear I didn't make that up), a down
on his luck poker player who is desperate for a shot at the World
Series of Poker (WSOP). His father (Robert Duvall) is a living
legend, having won the even multiple times before. Drew Barrymore
plays a nightclub singer who is smitten with Huck and his lifestyle.
Huck Cheever is essentially a poker wannabe's wet dream. Let me just
make it clear that there are no dudes that look like Eric Bana
riding up and down the Vegas Strip on a vintage motorcycle, bouncing
from poker game to poker game, pawning rings one minute and playing
against Barry Greenstein & Sammy Farha the next. It never has
happened and it never will happen. Great poker movies should not be
glitz and glam, babes and adventure. "Tilt", that pathetic ESPN show
from a few years ago, was more than enough of the faux-poker
lifestyle.
The reason I am holding this film to such a high "poker standard" is
that it boldly decides to be a very poker oriented movie. It doesn't
really try to balance the story with anything else -- It is a very
poker heavy screenplay. As such, I have to be very harsh.
On a purely cinematic front, the film fails too. There is nothing
that elevates this above TV-movie status. It actually feels like
ESPN original entertainment -- Cheap and sensationalistic.
The main character is impossible to root for. Huck is a bitter,
resentful degenerate who has no idea how to play the game with skill
or dignity. He lives his life in much the same way. How are we
supposed to care about a thief, a cheat and a moron?
His father is a self-righteous jerk who seems to revel in his son's
misery. The love interest is a snivelling ball of naïveté. I could
barely muster any sympathy for her either.
On top of all that, it is a typical sports movie with all the
redemptive clichés and dramatic conclusions one usually expects from
the genre.
This film is devoid of artistry or skill. This film sheds nothing
but harmful light on the game of poker. This film is wretchedly
unoriginal. This film is highly inaccurate. This film stinks like a
rotten fish. I can't wait to get to the real World Series of Poker
in June -- It will be my tenth year in a row at the fantastic event.
I've been a professional player for almost a decade, grinding out a
solid living without ever hitting the mega-bucks. I know what real
poker is... and "Lucky You" isn't even close to representing that
truth. I can't wait to get to Vegas so I can make fun of this film
with all my poker friends. We are going to have fun ripping this
film to shreds.
All that being said, I hope I end up at the final table of the main
event. Maybe then, I can be just like Huck Cheever -- riding my
motorcycle, counting my cash & banging Drew Barrymore.
***
A list of unrealistic poker
moments in "Lucky You"...
Real pros making cameos is
unnecessary and distracting.
You can't make $10,000 in 2 hours at Bellagio's 8-16 game.
No one bets their friggin wristwatch... EVER!!!
Two players can not play the same hand.
Of course the lady had KQ... It was obvious.
Don't steal real life prop bets and use them in the movie.
A 20% return is bullshit on a 100% stake.
No good player would call with 2-3 of spades in that spot.
No great player would interrupt a hand with advice.
Guys that steal from girlfriends should be shot.
He wouldn't have gone all in with pocket 8's.
Pocket 10's would call in a split second.
A 2-time champ doesn't need coffee shop advice.
A 2-time champ would not miss a rivered flush & straight.
Huck Cheever (Bana) has more tells than most rookies.
Only idiots go back and check their hole cards twice.
Fellow players don't ooh and ahh when someone goes all in.
Calling with a pair of fives make you a DONKEY!!!
Guitar twangs and poker should be banned from each other.
The club flush hand at the final table was silly.
The finish to the main event is a joke.
And last, but absolutely not least...
NOT EVERY FUCKING HAND NEEDS
A STARE-DOWN AND A SPEECH!!!
*** |
