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"Close Both Eyes
When Watching This
Misfire..." |
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Directed by Todd
Robinson - Written by
Todd Robinson
Starring John Travolta,
James Gandolfini, Jared
Leto, Salma Hayek
Scott Caan, Alice Krige,
Laura Dern
Dist: Roadside
Attractions, Samuel
Goldwyn Films -
2007 - 108m - Rated R |
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TC Candler's Review
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C- |
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"He was the toughest badge I'd ever seen -- Turned more collars than a
Chinaman dry cleaner." |
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| If you think you'd
enjoy strained lines like that one, you may want to consider
watching "Lonely Hearts" -- an attempted film noir with more forced
humor and false intensity than an over-long political soliloquy from
Dennis Miller on a crack-binged summer night in Baghdad. Damn it!
There I go again -- trying too hard.
That is this film's biggest problem. It tries way too hard to be
noir-cool. Grown men prowling across the screen, essaying their best
Bogart impression.
Travolta and Gandolfini are detectives on the trail of the Lonely
Hearts Killers (Leto and Hayek)... a couple who play on the emotions
of lonely women, scamming them out of their money and leaving a
trail of bodies in their wake.
Audiences will be sick of listening to the absurd metaphors in James
Gandolfini's narration by the tenth minute. By that time, it will
also be apparent that John Travolta and Salma Hayek are hideously
miscast. It also has to be said that Gandolfini's effort solidifies
the notion that he is a one-character actor. He plays Tony Soprano,
or a version thereof, in every role. As for Leto... He delivers the
most believable performance despite seeming too young for the part.
Hayek can pull off melodrama and slapstick comedy. With her physical
gifts, she can manage sexy with ease... On one condition -- that she
doesn't speak. The moment she tries to speak seductively, the
illusion comes crashing down around her. There are moments in this
film that are measurably awkward when she aims for "sultry".
And what's left to say about John Travolta? The man is a pop-icon
and a mega-movie star... However, he is no actor. The only time he
ever approached greatness was when an element of self-parody existed
in the role. Whenever he guns for gravitas or emotional complexity
of any kind, he falls short.
"Lonely Hearts" mimics film noir with its murders and double-crosses
and scams and one-liners and mood-lighting and vixens and fedoras
and saxophones... Unfortunately, it never evolves into a film worthy
of your time. Some of the production elements are attractive. The
set design and costuming all seem authentic. The cinematography is
appropriate, if somewhat tired. Still, it all feels like make-up on
Madonna's face -- underneath the mask lies a wrinkled mess with
little to say, trying desperately to be taken seriously. |
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© Written by TC Candler -
Email Me! |
Richard
Propes' Comment
n/a
Jacob
Hall's Comment
Wow, this is
a painful movie.
Despite the constant stream of onscreen events,
nothing happens.
Even when Salma Hayek is murdering a woman with
a hammer or John Travolta is lamenting his dead
wife, nothing happens.
Events occur, but don’t lead anywhere or hold
relevance.
We are supposed to believe that Travolta is
building a case, but he seems to do very little
investigation and suddenly have all of the
pieces.
James Gandolfini plays his partner in a
performance so bad that it makes his turgid work
in “All the King’s Men” look like Brando.
Laura Dern is in this, but what does she do?
Nothing.
Jared Leto is here, too.
But why is Leto wearing eye shadow?
This is a period film, Jared, get rid of the
screamo band look, you look like a fool.
Hayek and Leto con and murder women in this
story based on real life.
Neither of them inhabit their characters very
well.
Travolta is a cop with family issues who has to
stop them.
There are no interesting shots.
The musical cues don’t work.
The final “message” is so half-assed that it
barely registers.
Much like this review, this movie hands out
nuggets of information without style or tact.
And like this review, this movie just ends,
nothing having happened.
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