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"You Can't Park
Here, Asshole!!!" |
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Directed by Robert
Harmon - Written by
Craig Mitchell, Hans
Bauer
Starring Jim Caviezel,
Rhona Mitra, Frankie
Faison
Distributed by New Line -
2003 - 80mins - Rated R |

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TC Candler's Review
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F |
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Dreadful in all ways...
What
starts off as an interesting premise swiftly
dwindles into an insanely bad combination of
"Duel" and "Joy Ride". This dreadful film,
starring Jim Caviezel and Rhona Mitra, is an
entirely implausible and embarrassingly
laughable story about a man whose wife was mowed
down in a highway hit & run and who now finds
himself in a cross-country hunt for the killer.
Naturally, this man (Caviezel) has to team up
with a hot girl (Mitra) who is the next apparent
target for the lunatic driver. The lunatic seems
to be part man, part machine, assembled with
random prosthetic limbs and auto-parts. He
taunts the Caviezel character over a CB radio
while rampaging the conveniently deserted
streets and highways.
There is also a dumbass cop who only serves as a
hindrance to justice just so that the film
doesn't end after 30 minutes.
The film never made it to theatres in any wide
release... It is essentially a straight to DVD
movie. Deservedly so, I might add.
It is amazing that an actor of Caviezel's status
can do "The Passion of the Christ" and
"Highwaymen" in such close proximity to each
other. One is a legendary film about Jesus
Christ's final hours filled with grandeur and
significance and the other is a cheap chase
movie with a half-man, half-car bad guy. It
boggles the mind!
I strongly suggest you steer clear of this awful
80 minute pile of dung. It should probably have
been an episode of The Twilight Zone: The Lost
Episodes.
Oh, one more thing... it may just have the worst
final moment in the history of filmmaking. I
almost vomited all over myself as the closing
credits began to roll. Up until that final shot
this film was nestled comfortably in the
D-range. But because of it, the film gets a
despicable and fully deserved "F"!!!
©
Written by TC Candler
Richard
Propes' Comment
n/a
Jacob
Hall's Comment
n/a


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