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FANTASTIC FOUR
RISE
OF THE SILVER SURFER |
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"Adding His Nipples
Would Have Made This a
PG-13..." |
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Directed by Tim Story -
Written by Mark Frost
Starring Ioan Gruffudd,
Jessica Alba, Chris
Evans, Michael Chiklis
Julian McMahon, Kerry
Washington, Andre
Braugher, Laurence
Fishburne
Distributed by 20th
Century Fox -
2007 - 92m - Rated PG |
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Jacob Hall's
Review
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Since “Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer” is the sequel to one
of my more hated films of recent years, I went into the theatre
expecting a thoroughly miserable experience.
I was right, of course. |
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There is a laundry
list of what I dislike about this movie, and much of it crosses over
with my review of the original film, so I’ll just get to the point
and explain why “Fantastic Four” Deux pissed me off.
1. Considering that the superheroes of the title are known for being
a “family” and that much of their conflict comes from personal
issues and relationships, Ioan Gruffud, Chris Evans, Jessica Alba
and Michael Chiklis have no chemistry and never once appear to be
friends or family. In fact, only Chiklis manages to display any
personality at all…odd, since he’s the one in the big rock-man
costume. Gruffud is lame as Mr. Fantastic, although it doesn’t help
that once again, his character is completely underwritten. Evans,
passable in the last film, is only irritating here. And Alba…let’s
just say that she once again ends up naked, thus serving her purpose
in this film.
2. The visual effects are simply atrocious, worse than the first
film, in fact. Visual effects shouldn’t be an issue, but when films
ten years old look better than this, there is something wrong. I
constantly felt like I was watching the cutscenes of an old
PlayStation game. Everything is plastic, weightless and entirely
cheesy.
3. Considering that he’s been handed the reins of an expensive
studio movie, director Tim Story is nothing short of incompetent.
The pacing is off, the visuals dull, the editing incoherent. This is
an absolutely un-watchable film. It doesn’t help that the insipid
screenplay, with it’s bad jokes and “action scenes” (more on those
in a moment) can barely string along enough events to create the
illusion of a story.
4. Further interesting characters, Dr. Doom and the Silver Surfer,
are completely wasted. The Surfer is potentially interesting and
Doug Jones’ physique suits the character, but the Laurence Fishburne
dubbing is distracting and poorly performed. As for Doom…well, the
filmmakers had one of the best villains in American culture at their
disposal, a character who was already created and ready to go…and
they turn him into a whiny, wisecracking little moron with no
motivation. It’s a shame.
5. I saw this with my friend Mike, who never tires of noting how all
of the action scenes in the first film were accidents caused by the
Fantastic Four and they never actually saved anyone or did anything
heroic. That’s pretty much the same thing here, with the team
destroying everything in sight and at one point, even attacking
innocent soldiers. As Mike now declares quite constantly: “TERRIBLE
SUPERHEROES!:
Hopefully this is the last we’ll see of this series until a decade
from now when a decent filmmaker pulls a “Batman Begins” and turns
this into the fun series it should have been. I’ll wait. |
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© Written by Jacob Hall -
Email
Me! |
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How We Rated This Film
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TC Candler -
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| Richard Propes
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Jacob Hall
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TC Candler's Comment
n/a
Richard Propes' Comment
n/a
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