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"Who Knew Hot Girls
Could Be So Irritating?" |
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Directed by Sean
McNamara - Written by
Susan Estelle Jansen
Starring Jon Voight,
Skyler Shaye, Janel
Parrish, Logan Browning
Distributed by Lionsgate
- 2007 - 110mins - Rated
PG |
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Richard Propes'
Review
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D- |
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Sometimes, a movie title really says it
all... |
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Teresa Wiltz, the Washington Post.
Adam Schubak, TV Guide's Movie Guide.
Paige Wiser, Chicago Sun-Times.
AND
Nell Minow, Yahoo's "Movie Mom"
who proclaims that Bratz' "portrayal of the
pull of cliques and conformity is sweet and
smart."
One can't help but wonder if "Movie Mom" has
gone a bit too Hollywood for her own good?
These four film critics and ONLY these four
critics have been noted on
RottenTomatoes.com for assigning a "fresh"
rating to "Bratz," the movie helmed by Sean
McNamara ("Raise Your Voice") based upon a
series of equally shallow, pointless and, at
times, downright offensive dolls by the same
name.
I have instantly removed these four critics
from the list of film critics whose opinion
I will ever read again.
Do you get the idea I didn't, perhaps, enjoy
this film?
I HATED this film.
Oh, just in case you're wondering, "Bratz"
is still better than "Delta Farce."
It is the mixed messages in "Bratz" that are
so disturbing...messages that are obviously
so convoluted that they've confused even the
normally reliable "Movie Mom."
I actually do like "Movie Mom," by the way.
Actually, well, Ohmigosh, well, she's like
totally and completely awesome. Like totally
awesome. I mean it, really awesome.
By the way, I've just given you about 90% of
the dialogue in "Bratz," penned by Susan
Estelle Jansen.
I'm enjoying this naming names.
Maybe. I just don't like, really get it, or
something like that or whatever. I mean,
like really, I was never like totally
popular in high school or college or on a
job or anything like that.
I'm like so nothing in the looks department.
I mean, heck, girls like Cloe (Skyler Shaye),
Jade (Janel Parrish), Sasha (Logan Browning)
and Yasmin (Nathalia Ramos) would like not
even like ever look at me or like whatever.
They were like totally awesome, but I was
like totally nonexistent. Whatever.
These four are like B.F.F's...you know, like
totally BEST FRIENDS FOREVER, like for real,
well until high school then they go like
totally their own ways and become like a
sexy cheerleader and an athlete and a brain
and a geek, but then like they get back
together a couple years later and, well,
geez.
I'm worn out.
I guess I could never be one of the Bratz.
The girls unite to rally against cliques in
what can only be described as one of the
most cliquish rebellions.
EVER.
Sorry, I tried to hold that in.
Not really.
The school is like totally ruled by Meredith
(Chelsea Staub), who assigns lunch seating
and who can basically ruin your high school
life with a mere glance...
The Bratz like totally hate her.
HELP ME. I can't stop being cool now.
Have I mentioned yet that Jon Voight, THAT
Oscar-winning Jon Voight, shows up here as a
dictatorial school principal?
Boy, we thought Cuba Gooding, Jr's career
was shot...Voight has to be embarrassed
knowing his estranged daughter is this
mega-cinematic star banging one of the
universe's biggest hotties while he's off
filming "Bratz: The Movie."
That has to completely suck.
While he may not totally deserve it, Voight
is practically begging for a Razzie
nomination with this performance.
The odd thing is, though, that Voight is
actually one of the highlights of "Bratz"
and, dare I say it, actually saves the film
from its almost pre-destined "F" grade.
Isn't that like totally awesome?
Virtually every aspect of the film's
production screams out "NOTICE ME," from
song lyrics that rhyme latitude with
brattitude (I'm not kidding!) and a high
school that is half fashion mall and half
music video. I never thought I would say
this, but please bring back "High School
Musical."
How did this film get a theatrical release
and not "High School Musical 2?"
There's, like, no other way to say it. Nell,
you're wrong on this one...the bad outweighs
the good and the horrid messages to young
girls far outweigh any potential
post-cinematic conversations (after a quick
stop at the mall).
From a purely film-making perspective, "Bratz:
The Movie" is better than "Delta Farce."
But, when it comes down to it..."Bratz: The
Movie" is the worst film of the year.
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© Written by Richard Propes -
Email Me! |
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How We Rated This Film
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TC Candler -
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| Richard Propes
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D- |
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Jacob Hall
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TC Candler's Comment
n/a
Jacob Hall's
Comment
n/a
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