This may seem like an odd way to begin a review of a "Batman" movie, but here goes: I think there is nothing wrong with being gay. I think that there is nothing wrong with hiring a gay man to direct a "Batman" film. But I think that there is everything wrong when the director turns the film into a homo-erotic camp fest.

When Tim Burton directed 1989's "Batman," he made the controversial (at least amongst fans) decision to make the Batsuit out of rubber with fake muscles sculpted on, rather than more flexible material with a buff actor wearing it. His vision of Gotham City, where Batman fights crime, was dark and bleak. The production design won an Oscar. It was a brilliant dead city, complete with clashing architecture and no obvious time period. His Batmobile was different than what people were used to, but it was accepted by fans. Burton created a mature world for adults, with scary villains and an interesting protagonist. After two films, Burton left the series, and Joel Schumacher took over.

Schumacher is a hit and miss kind of guy. He struck gold with "Falling Down." He struck silver with "Flatliners" and "Phone Booth." He struck the septic tank with "Tigerland" and "Batman and Robin." With "Batman Forever," he turned a dark series into a camp fest, complete with irritatingly bad villains (who didn't follow the comics and therefore pissed the fans off) and a redesign of the Batsuit. This led to what may be one of the most infamous changes in film history: Schumacher put rubber nipples on the Batsuit. Despite "Batman Forever"'s disappointing gross, they let Schumacher make a fourth film...which all but killed Batman and his franchise forever.

What makes "Batman and Robin" so horrendous can be divided into two groups. Design and Story.

DESIGN

The brilliantly designed Gotham of the Burton films is gone, replaced by poorly computer generated buildings by Schumacher. Gotham is no longer dark, but incredibly bright. Lights seem to flash everywhere, and from every building neon lights seem to flash. It's like Las Vegas gone horribly wrong.The people of Gotham all to seem to have either mohawks or clashing clothes...often both. Every few feet, there is a massive statue of a naked man kneeling in an erotic postition. Schumacher's redesign of the costumes get worse here. In addition to the nipples, the suits now have cod pieces. One villain seems to be dressed in S&M gear. There are large men in purple gorilla costumes. You get the point.

STORY

The first Batman films were not faithful to the comics, but they maintained the dark nature of the characters. That is thrown out of the window here. Everything seems more like the old '60s TV series. That series was supposed to be a spoof, a campy riff on Batman. It doesn't work here. The villainous scheme is too over-the-top to even work in the slightest. One character avoids being poisoned by wearing rubber lips. When they have to pass over ice, our heroes click their heels together and ice skates pop out of their boots. They then play hockey against the henchman. No, I am not making this up. I'm not even beginning to describe the cheesiness of this movie. Our two villains are Mr. Freeze (Arnold Schwarzenegger) and Poison Ivy (Uma Thurman), who team up to take over Gotham together. Arnold is horribly miscast (his character is supposed to be thin, rather frail, and physically weak), but he is the saving grace of the film. His lines are so bad, that they are infinitely quotable. Uma, on the other hand, is perfectly cast. Her lines and direction are simply terrible. Mr. Freeze wants to turn the city into an icy wasteland. Ivy wants to turn it into a plant utopia. I guess clashing interests don't stop supervillains, huh? They have a henchman named Bane, who, in the comics, was an intelligent and dangerous villain who worked on his own and broke Batman's back, almost killing him. Here is a mute, muttering freak who does whatever he is told and is dispatched with an extreme amount of ease by our heroes. Oh, yeah, HEROES. Even if you manage to get over the homo-erotic suits, George Clooney is terrible as Batman and Chris O'Donnell is worse as Robin. Even worse than that, is Alicia Silverstone in the pointless and stupid role as Batgirl. These characters are not complex like they should be. Batman based his entire superhero career because he was traumatized as a child when his parents where murdered. Here, there is no mention of this. It is completely disregarded. Considering that this is one of the most important aspects of Batman, this is a massive mistake.

As much as I blame Schumacher for this trash, I equally blame the screenwriter, Akiva Goldsman, one of the worst things to hit Hollywood. He writes a bunch of crap, writes one good thing, wins an Oscar, and goest back to writing crap. Shame on you, Hollywood.

As I write this, "Batman Begins" is still a year away. I have high hopes for this film. It is disregarding the past Batman films entirely and is creating a deep, character driven thriller. I hope that is how it turns out. I also hope that audiences are able to forget "Batman and Robin," and embrace the Batman character in his proper form.

© Written by Jacob Hall

How We Rated This Film TC Candler - D Richard Propes - D Jacob Hall - D-

TC Candler's Comment

Even Alicia eye-candy cannot redeem this silly film.

Richard Propes' Comment

What can I say? This version just didn't work for me. George Clooney is tolerable as Batman, but his character is lifeless and the script allows him no freedom to explore the character. Chris O'Donnell, so promising in "Scent of a Woman," gives off a rotten stench as Robin in this film. Arnold Schwarzenegger, as Mr. Freeze, manages to do fairly well in action scenes. Why would they bother to cast him in a role that actually calls for complexity and emotional presence? In this area, he clearly fails. Alicia Silverstone as Batgirl is pointless fluff with no real purpose for being in the film. Uma Thurman tries to hold her own as Poison Ivy, but the script fails her. Joel Schumacher failed miserably in directing this film, however, Akiva Goldsman and Bob Kane clearly failed him by giving him an awful script with little room for a director to grow the plot, character and atmosphere of the film. In my opinion, this is easily the worst of the new era of Batman films.