It was sitting there like that horrible traffic accident...you know the kind? No matter how much you shouldn't you simply have to look. It's an impulse, a curiosity, a dark need to know HOW BAD is it really...I simply HAD to look at "Alone in the Dark" to see how bad it really is.

The answer?

Tara Reid plays an intellectual. Yes, it's that bad.

I sort of feel bad for Reid...let's face it. She's stereotyped. She's an attractive, but remarkably vacant young lady with a reputation for heavy partying and horrid acting. It's a well earned reputation on both counts, but Reid has sworn up and down she doesn't party that much and takes her acting seriously. If this is taking acting seriously, might I recommend a career as a stripper? It requires only minimal acting skills, an attractive body and nearly no personality...I think Reid could handle a career as a stripper.

Of course, the problem with this film actually starts off with director Uwe Boll...Boll is, quite simply, a crappy director with no sense of pacing, characterization, style, cinematography, action, drama, comedy, suspense, romance or anything else one will usually find in films.

This film is based on the video game, which I have never played. So, I will not be comparing it in that sense...all I have to go on is the film itself, which also stars Christian Slater (the only salvageable performance here), Stephen Dorff (reminding us why he's underemployed and a host of others destined to appear in music videos, Boll films or at your neighborhood Chuck E. Cheese as an animatronic animal.

I'd describe the action, but it's confusing and pointless. (though not confusing in the "Saw" sense...it's simply confusing because it's disorganized). Slater plays Edward Carnby, and actually appears to be making a solid effort here. I'm wondering what made him look at this film and think "This is a project I want to work on." Did he not know Boll's reputation? Reid's? I mean, seriously...unless you are truly hungry who signs on to a film with Boll and Reid involved?

"Alone in the Dark" is a likely candidate for a Razzie in 2005, especially as Worst Picture and Worst Actress. I'd love to think that Boll could get a Razzie nomination, but I think we've come to expect so little from him that nobody may notice the film.

It's appalling to think that Boll continues to have films coming out in the next couple years...it's appalling to think that someone has financed his projects. I can only thank the American public for tanking this one at the box office. I would rather be alone in a dark theater than ever have to watch this film again.

© Written by Richard Propes

How We Rated This Film TC Candler -     Richard Propes - No Stars F Jacob Hall - D-

TC Candler's Comment

Tara Reid ranks with Madonna and Liv Tyler as the worst actresses of an entire generation.  I doubt that I will ever see this film.

Jacob Hall's Comment

N/A