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"Countdown to the
Greatest Show on TV!!!" |
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Courtesy of Fox
Broadcasting |
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A Jacob Hall Column
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January 15, 2006 |
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My zany attempt to "pull a Jack Bauer." |
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Since
it’s first season, I have been addicted to the television series “24,”
which follows a government agent named Jack Bauer (Kiefer Sutherland) as
he combats terrorist threats over the course of one day…in real time.
For those of you who don’t know, that means that each episode is one
hour to us and one hour to the characters, and each season has 24
episodes equaling a day. This adds a level of intensity to the series
that most movies and shows only dream of obtaining.
With season five beginning in about 83 minutes, I’ll relate to you the
story of how I prepared myself for the new season of TV’s best drama.
I received the fourth season on DVD for Christmas and resisted the urge
to immediately watch it…I had an idea. I called up my friend and fellow
“24” fan Mike and decided that we would watch the season over 24 hours,
starting at 7:00 A.M., when this season starts. Since there are no
commercials, we’d have a 20 minute break at the end of each episode that
would allow bathroom breaks, snack preparation and power naps.
On Saturday the 14th, I awoke at 6:20 A.M., took a shower, drove to
Mike’s house and picked him up. We arrived back at my house around 6:40
and we filled that time preparing a “24” drinking game. Here’s how you
play:
Take a shot every time Jack shouts “Damn it!” “Son of a bitch!” or “No!”
(If you don’t drink, like us, drain whatever soda you have left in your
can.)
Take a shot every time computer analyst Chloe annoys you (Or in our
case, eat a peanut…we went through half of a giant jar.)
Take a shot every time an explosion occurs (Or eat a tortilla chip
dipped in salsa.)
Take a shot every time a new terrorist is introduced (Or eat a potato
chip).
With our plans in place and the clock striking 7:00, we began. The first
few hours went perfectly fine. We were comfortable and enjoying one
another’s company as well as the show. We fill our breaks watching
“Monty Python’s Flying Circus” on my laptop. 24 hours doesn’t seem that
long.
It was probably around early afternoon when things started getting
weird. When you are stuck in one room for hours on end watching a
television, and especially when that show is as dramatic, intense and
over-the-top as “24,” odd things start to happen. I comment that
Secretary Heller (William Devane) probably enjoys onions on his
foot-long Subway subs. Mike says that CTU technician Edgar is paid in
root beer lollipops and doesn’t like people touching his ears. We
nickname the peanuts “the Chloes.” This is only the beginning of what
happened to us.
At about 7:00 we cooked a frozen pizza.
At 10:00 I almost fall asleep. Taking on a “24”-esque, extremely
dramatic persona (completely by accident), I inform Mike that if I fall
asleep, “not to wake me up, but to keep going.” When the hour is over, I
splash cold water on my face and drink two glasses of milk. I feel
better. We decide to skip the breaks at the end of each episode. It
won’t be a full 24 hours, but at least we’ll last.
At 1:00 I have stopped calling the villain Marwan and have started
calling him “the mummy” because he is played by Arnold Vosloo. Mike and
I force ourselves to sit up so we can last the night.
When we reach the last disc, we realize that there is no turning back…if
we give up now, we have FAILED. We would have wasted nearly a day of our
lives. During our brief breaks, I note that my body is completely numb,
my eyes hurt and terrorists hide in the shadows of my home. We have been
in the same room for almost a day. My legs hurt. I want to go home and
want to cry when I realize that I am home. The discussion between Mike
and myself has grown so odd and surreal that repeating it here will only
lower your opinion of me.
At 5:12, we finish. Somehow, we’ve managed to last. Not a full 24 hours,
but pretty damn close.
We both fell asleep and slept until 11:30.
This begs several questions: how does Mr. Bauer stay awake these hours?
How does he not eat? How does he not use the lavatories? If I had Jack’s
job, the terrorists would have won a long time ago.
This experiment, although it did destroy me physically and mentally,
certainly did not hurt my opinion of “24.” Watching it all together,
like one big movie, allowed us to see the scope of the stories and
characters. We were able to appreciate exactly how much manages to
happen in this show. More happens in one episode of “24” than in entire
seasons of most shows.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, the fifth season starts in 37 minutes. I have
to go watch it. |
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© Written by Jacob Hall |
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